Waiting

I am sitting in the hospital waiting room. Angela is having surgery, and I am waiting!
This hysterectomy has been a long time coming. She is so anxious to have this done.
I am anxious for it to be over.
I am not worried about it turning out ok.
I am just anxious for her to be done.
The doctor seems really good. He told me he would take good care of her.
He came in today to do this surgery. He isn't even supposed to work today.
He is only doing HER surgery today.
It's a good time to sit here an count my blessings.
I am thankful for Angela.
Christmas Eve is tomorrow. I am mostly ready.
I will be going home tonight to finish up my Christmas stuff.
Angela has to stay overnight.
I will miss her at home. Luckily, Cali is going to be there to keep me company!

Tuesday

Today is a Tuesday....but it is a Friday to me. It's the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, and it's the end of the work week for me.
My Aunty Joyce is in town from Colorado. She has never been to our house. I will try to invite her to come over during this time. I miss her, and would love to spend some time with her.

Moving On

A new day....a new thought!
Feeling blessed and loved today!
I tend to forget, even though I shouldn't, that I am truly loved by many!
Some people may have a hard time showing love to me for all the reasons that they have.
However, those who CAN show their love do so in amazing and abundant ways.
I am truly blessed!!!!

How to Love

I am actually filled with extreme hatred right now.
I actually hate a person!
I know it's not right...but I can't seem to help it.
No foresight.....absolutely no thought about long term remifications.
Unfair practices.
I actually am seething with hatred.
It's not the right way to think.
I can only change what I have control over.

To Rake or Not to Rake

After a busy morning, I have been dreading the AWFUL task on this FIRST beautiful weekend day in a month.

To rake or not, that is the question
So, today, as I gaze out at the deep carpet of leaves on my lawn, I am turning to some experts to help me decide if my Saturday will be spent bent over and blistered.

Bruce Butterfield, research director for the National Gardening Association says many people rake because they believe a heavy covering of leaves could kill their lawn in the fall if it is still growing. But he said most lawns are going dormant in the fall anyway as temperatures drop and daylight fades, so that is not a big issue. He said he many leaves also tend to decompose by the spring.

Still, to avoid a too-heavy, wet coat of leaves he doesn’t rake: He mows. At the very time the leaves are super crunchy he runs the mower until they become about the size of a quarter. That way, Butterfield says, the leaves can stay on the ground and decompose more quickly to allow nutrients to seep into the soil.

Butterfield says he sees suburbanites rake often – and thinks it’s good for them to get the exercise,

but “I like to mimic what I see happens in forest and nature. The landfills don’t want the leaves, you can’t burn them anymore and you create so much work for yourself when you can deal with them in place.”

Yet others say raking leaves really depends on your goals. Some people like the look of only grass on their lawn. Some say it’s their experience a heavy mat of leaves will create bare patches if sunlight can’t get through by spring. And others, are well, just lazy: These are the people who say they are going to let Mother Nature take care of the lawn.


“If you are trying to maintain a lawn, the leaves can mat up and basically cover it and could (kill off portions)” said John O’Keefe, Fisher Museum museum coordinator for Harvard Forest in Petersham. “On the other hand, if you are not trying to maintain a lawn but a yard, the leaves provide nutrients.”

It also can depend on the type of leaves. Oak and beech tree leaves take far longer to decompose than maples, ash and birch leaves. And if it’s not grass you are worried about but a garden, leaves may provide a perfect warm blanket until spring.

Hmm, I don’t have an answer yet. But I’m leaning toward O’Keefe’s idea about redefining my lawn as a yard.

God put the leaves there. Maybe I’ll just wait until He takes them away.

(not all this is my own words...cut and pasted from Beth Daley from the Globe)

A New Day

It's a new day.
I am not hating my job as much.
I am feeling better about what I am doing.
I see a difference in the kids.
It's fun to see!!
I am still struggling with a few....but that might not change.
I am meeting some staff....have begun to eat with the English department.
I won't go so far as to say I enjoy my job, because I don't.
However, I might one day!
I am at least open to that.

Despair

I am beginning to feel despair about my new job.
When I talk about it, I realize that I am sad about my placement.
Don't get me wrong, there are many classes that I love teaching, etc.
BUT...my one class that is so horrible is killing me.
Besides that, I feel like I am dying of loneliness and isolation.
I do so well when I am part of something great, where collaboration is central, and where I am surrounded by friends. Currently none of those things are happening.
I am sure this is a great place to work, but I am just so isolated.
I need to change something, but don't know what or how.
I went out last night for dinner with a group of my dear friends. We all used to work together until the district reorganized. Now they are mostly together, spread out between two schools, and I am here at the high school.
I hear their stories of work, people, adventures, gossips.....and I am no longer part of any of it.
I left last night feeling sad and lonely....after being surrounded by my friends.
I wish I knew what to change....because I would change it.
I wrote an email last night to a few administrators which was fairly rude and wenchy.....but I am so frustrated, that I don't care how they take it. I am used to being close to my administrators. I am used to them hearing my requests, and working to help me figure it out. Not so the case here.
Maybe I will get fired from here...and I can go back to the middle school and pick up where I left off.
I need something to change.....I just wish I knew how to make it happen!