More Joy

Today Chloe is over 30 days sober. I think more like 36 to be exact.
Chloe spent the last 29 days at a residential treatment facility in Pine City, MN. 93 miles away from home.I have watched my daughter go from lackluster to serene and clear. She is in such a great place! It's amazing to talk to her; to hear her talk about the future!
I am so proud of Chloe, and the work she is going through to find herself. I cannot imagine how hard it has been for her to be away and in that facility for these last 29 days.
There has been so many people lifting her up in prayer! It's phenomenal to see God work in Chloe.
We went to Chloe's graduation ceremony last night. It was fantastic to see the varied women at the facility rally around Chloe, and give her advice and support!

On Friday Chloe comes home. I am so excited to have her back home. I have really missed calling her whenever I want to. I have missed going out to coffee. I have missed just chilling out at home together.
Please keep Chloe in your prayers as she transitions back into life. Pray for strength for her as well as opportunities to move forward in her life. Her number one goal at this point is to find a job.
Thanks to all of you who have been lifting Chloe up in prayer of the past 30 days, and earlier!!
Our God is Great!

A Mother's Joy

As I write this post, my youngest son Luke, is in a residential treatment facility in Chisago Lakes, MN.
We've been working on trying to get Luke help for his drug addiction for quite some time. It's been a slow progression on this downward trajectory for many years. Things got quite out of control over the past 10 months, where we realized that he needed more help than we could give him.

Those who know my story, know that I've had a very tumultuous relationship with Luke for the last 8 years. He has had the hardest time moving forward after the divorce, and has let much of his anger fester in his heart. Add this to anxiety and lots of opportunities to make his own decisions, and it was a recipe for disaster.

We had tried this whole rehab thing before in October, but it was not successful. Neither Jon nor Luke were quite ready for it, and things went back to the way they were before, only much worse. So, on Friday, January 20th, we drove Luke back down to Fairview Riverside's locked chemical dependency unit, and we admitted Luke for 5 days. During this time we had no contact with him. We really wanted him to dig deep within himself to see just how far he had fallen.
This seems like it was a good approach to take, and Luke is now at Chisago Lakes for 28 days. He will get out on February 22nd.

While we continue to be cautions, Luke seems to be taking this all very seriously. He is owning his addictions, realizing just how far he has fallen, and working hard to mend relationships that he has been destroying over the years. We see the hand of God all over this! One answer to prayer has been Luke's openness to me. He said that he realizes that he has shut me out and held on to resentment. He told me that he misses me and just wants to spend time with me, make up for all the time that was lost over the last many years. These are words I had begun to think I would never hear from this son. There is no doubt that the Lord is at work in Luke's heart!
Speaking of heart, the heart picture at the top is a craft that Luke made for me. The morning that we picked him up at the hospital to bring him to the rehab facility, he gave it to me. He had made it in the hospital. He told me that the multiple colors of pink and red were to signify the many layers and difficulties that our relationship has gone through. The blue bead in the middle represents Luke. He told me that he was in the middle of my heart.
"But it goes both ways Mom. That blue dot also represents you. You are in the middle of my heart too...forever!" Yes, there were tears.

Luke is working hard daily in the facility. He is committed to sobriety, and reclaiming his life. He greatly appreciates all your prayers, so please keep them coming!
God DOES answer prayers.

Psalm 34:18

Today in my quiet time, I read Psalm 34:18. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit.
Yesterday I had a particularly difficult day, on the back of a difficult few weeks. My daughter has decided to live full time with her dad, again. My youngest son is making some decisions that are poor, and I feel his dad should be steering him more closely. When I sit back and reflect on how much my hands are tied, and how I have no control over the situation, I feel crazy. These children who I love so much, are in some ways lost to me right now. As a mom, it's the most frightening thing to just sit and watch. I also end up feeling so sad, lost and alone. I berate myself that I should have been more...tried harder. Some days I just want to move away. Move far away where I am not so close to the pain. Some place where distance makes the heart grow fonder.
Yesterday was a difficult day. I was feeling depressed and alone. Out of the blue I got an text message from my oldest son telling me that I am a good mom, and that he always felt loved by me, and that he loves me so much! OUT OF THE BLUE???? I think not. It was FOR SURE God's voice. I have no doubt that God was saying: Look Kari!! All is not lost. Don't forget about your oldest child!! All is not lost!!
Today the verse from Psalm telling me that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted. He was close to me last night, in the midst of my despair. I am so certain of this!!

Reflection

As I sit pondering what 2011 will hold, I can't help but look back at 2010.
It was an amazing year!
Chloe and Ryan graduated from high school. Luke and Isaiah got drivers licenses. Seth and Ashley got married. Huge family milestones. Sources of great joy and celebrations.

A year of heartbreak as well. Children leaving for college, leaving a large hole in our family. Chloe dropping out of college, but having no clue where she wants to go next. Seth and Ashley still living in Georgia, and an economy that doesn't make moving home feasible. Luke pulling further and further away, leaving me with next to no relationship with my baby.

Without my relationship with Jesus, I could not face each new day. Jesus IS my portion!! He fills in all the places of my heart which are empty and cracked. He soothes the ache, and helps me find my joy. In him I am complete.

What will 2011 hold?
A beautiful relationship that sharpens me, makes me a better person, and fills me with love and joy. Friendships that stretch me, make me think, make me laugh and make me cry. Parenting a 19 year old to realize her full potential, and applying tough love to assist her growth. Spending more time with my parents, and hopefully my brother. Desperately wanting these relationships to grow as I become more and more aware of how important they are. Learning to let go of my baby, and let God control the situation with Luke. Trusting that he can change the situation. Daily relying on Christ for the strength to do anything.

Yes, 2010 was a wonderful, and painful year. Maybe that's the way they always are. Without the pain, it's harder to appreciate the joy; the truly amazing miracle that life is.

May your 2011 be a year of firsts, lasts, and laughter that makes you pee a little!

Christmas 2010

A beautiful Christmas morning. Wonderful waking up in a house full of love. Kids who still love to discover their stockings.











A dog who can EASILY find her stocking.










Even with all this joy....it's still hard to forget that both of my boys were not with us for Christmas. Seth is far away in Georgia. Luke, well, Luke was in Apple Valley and just didn't want to come. It's hard to believe, but that was the choice he made. While my heart if full of joy and love, it is also heartbroken over distance and a broken relationship. My hope is that if you have broken relationships in your life, that you let your love shine through. Put the hurt behind you and FORGIVE as you have been forgiven.
Mitch Albom says it best:

"Holding anger is a poison...It eats you from inside...We think that by hating someone we hurt them...But hatred is a curved blade...and the harm we do to others...we also do to ourselves."
— Mitch Albom (The Five People You Meet in Heaven

My hope for you is a BLESSED CHRISTMAS filled with LOVE!

Vikings Outside at TCF Stadium

Seth flew home this weekend to be part of history. He wanted to be there for a home Vikings game played outside.
Even though we lost...BIG TIME! (40-14), Seth had a great time.

Favre played his last game at home tonight as well.

Luke

Even though the photos may be gross....look at what my sonny boy got? Proud of you Luke!
Nice Job!!

Chloe's 19th Birthday

I am so incredibly proud of the young woman you are. From you I have learned patience, I have experienced the bond of having a daughter, and I have evolved. I am a better person for having you in my life.

I will miss spending this day with you.

Happy 19th birthday Chloe!!

Transitions

I cannot believe how long it's been since I blogged.
Chloe and Ryan graduated from Lakeville South on June 11th.
Seth and Ashley were married on July 25th.
Ryan left for college on Saturday. He is officially in his dorm room, and trying out for a spot on the drum line at NDSU.
Chloe leaves for college on Wednesday.
What an amazing time of transitions.
To top that off....Luke turns 16 on Tuesday, and is hopefully going to get his license.
It's all just so hard to believe how time flies by!

Wimbledon and the 4th of July

Watching Nadal and Derdych play the finals at Wimbledon this morning. Nadal is probably going to win.
It's also the 4th of July.
Time of the annual Erickson Family Party at our house.
The rain has come...and gone for right now.
Time to get the house ready, the pool vacuumed, the food prepared.

Seth and Ashley get married in 3 weeks from TODAY!

Saturday Night

On the eve of Mother's Day I just want to state that I love my children more than anything!! They are the absolute light of my life. I wish they lived with me, and I wish that they thought more of me....but truly, I love them unconditionally! I always wanted to be a mom...I just didn't know it would be like this. BUT...I am a mom...and I will take it however it is. My children are amazing!!!
I love you Seth, Chloe and Luke! More than you could understand!!!!!

A Day to Say Goodbye To Sam!

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

SAM WE WILL MISS YOU!!

The Truth

I want to step out of my past, as a woman whose children would rather live with their father, and step into the present. The fact that I AM, indeed a mother! Sometimes I don't even feel like a mother any more.
I want them to remember that family is forever. That they can survive challenges, even unexpected ones that are terrifically sad. Change is inevitable and you can always survive it. That's what I hope I have taught my own children by my life. That even through change, you can come out the other side with joy and greater understanding. Something new always in the future, but it's got the potential for so many amazing things. To remember what the joy of what it was at the time, even though it's not that any more.
The truth is the best thing that I can give my children. The truth to tell it like it is. To mean what I say. To be open to anything they want to tell me.
To love them TRULY UNCONDITIONALLY!
We need families so we can learn what it means to love ALL THE WAY!!
NO MATTER WHAT happens...I will always be there for my family!
I hope that they always know, long after I am gone, that they were TRULY LOVED!!

Waiting

I am sitting in the hospital waiting room. Angela is having surgery, and I am waiting!
This hysterectomy has been a long time coming. She is so anxious to have this done.
I am anxious for it to be over.
I am not worried about it turning out ok.
I am just anxious for her to be done.
The doctor seems really good. He told me he would take good care of her.
He came in today to do this surgery. He isn't even supposed to work today.
He is only doing HER surgery today.
It's a good time to sit here an count my blessings.
I am thankful for Angela.
Christmas Eve is tomorrow. I am mostly ready.
I will be going home tonight to finish up my Christmas stuff.
Angela has to stay overnight.
I will miss her at home. Luckily, Cali is going to be there to keep me company!

A Day at Brusnwick Bowl

Last month I took the kids to the arcade on a rainy day!
We had quite a few chuckles.

Luke at Soccer

Luke had a soccer tournament this past weekend.
The weather was horrible, but their team played so well.
They lost in the championship game to Dakota Rev.
Great job boys!!
I got to talk to Luke too, even if it was just for a few minutes!

Erickson Egg Hunt

It's not too late

Today in church I was struck by what my real purpose on earth is.Why am I here?
I've been doing life like this is all there is... my stuff, my plans, my enjoyment.
I've lost sight of the bigger picture... my purpose as it relates to eternity.
What am I doing here that is going to LAST for beyond my lifetime?

It's the love that Jesus has for me that I should pour out on my friends, my family, my neighbors... so that maybe they will see Him.
It's the blessings He's given me that I should share with all those in need... so that maybe they will feel Him.
It's the courageous spiritual conversations that I should instigate... so that maybe they will know Him.
It really isn't about me... this gift of life... it's about passing it on.

Chloe is 17

Yesterday Chloe turned 17!
It seems so strange that she could be that old.
We went to TGIFriday's again for dinner. Luckily there were no spilled drinks this time around.
Ryan had something going on at school....so he couldn't go out with us.
After dinner we came home and Angela and I did foot care for Chloe.
She had a mini-pedicure at home. She seemed to enjoy it. Angela said that all girls should be treated like a queen on their birthday.
Then....her friends Jessica and Rachel came over for birthday cake and to hang out.
The three girls went to the MIDNIGHT show of High School Musical 3: Senior Year.
Big day for my girl!!!
It's fun watching her grow up....scary, but exciting.
I love you Chloe!

Lakeville Homecoming 2008

Chloe and Ryan are now JUNIORS!!!
How could they be so old?
Isaiah is now a FRESHMAN!!!
NO WAY!
This was a VERY FUN homecoming Friday.
Lakeville South won their football game too!
We froze our patooties off at the game...but we had fun!!
Chloe, Ryan, Isaiah and a bunch of others went out to Applebees afterward for half price appetizers.



Isaiah and Chloe


I have NO IDEA who all these girls are, but Chloe is in the middle right.


Chloe and Ryan


Chandler and Chloe