A Mother's Joy

As I write this post, my youngest son Luke, is in a residential treatment facility in Chisago Lakes, MN.
We've been working on trying to get Luke help for his drug addiction for quite some time. It's been a slow progression on this downward trajectory for many years. Things got quite out of control over the past 10 months, where we realized that he needed more help than we could give him.

Those who know my story, know that I've had a very tumultuous relationship with Luke for the last 8 years. He has had the hardest time moving forward after the divorce, and has let much of his anger fester in his heart. Add this to anxiety and lots of opportunities to make his own decisions, and it was a recipe for disaster.

We had tried this whole rehab thing before in October, but it was not successful. Neither Jon nor Luke were quite ready for it, and things went back to the way they were before, only much worse. So, on Friday, January 20th, we drove Luke back down to Fairview Riverside's locked chemical dependency unit, and we admitted Luke for 5 days. During this time we had no contact with him. We really wanted him to dig deep within himself to see just how far he had fallen.
This seems like it was a good approach to take, and Luke is now at Chisago Lakes for 28 days. He will get out on February 22nd.

While we continue to be cautions, Luke seems to be taking this all very seriously. He is owning his addictions, realizing just how far he has fallen, and working hard to mend relationships that he has been destroying over the years. We see the hand of God all over this! One answer to prayer has been Luke's openness to me. He said that he realizes that he has shut me out and held on to resentment. He told me that he misses me and just wants to spend time with me, make up for all the time that was lost over the last many years. These are words I had begun to think I would never hear from this son. There is no doubt that the Lord is at work in Luke's heart!
Speaking of heart, the heart picture at the top is a craft that Luke made for me. The morning that we picked him up at the hospital to bring him to the rehab facility, he gave it to me. He had made it in the hospital. He told me that the multiple colors of pink and red were to signify the many layers and difficulties that our relationship has gone through. The blue bead in the middle represents Luke. He told me that he was in the middle of my heart.
"But it goes both ways Mom. That blue dot also represents you. You are in the middle of my heart too...forever!" Yes, there were tears.

Luke is working hard daily in the facility. He is committed to sobriety, and reclaiming his life. He greatly appreciates all your prayers, so please keep them coming!
God DOES answer prayers.

A Few Words by Bob Lenz

I just finished an assembly program with 400 junior high students in the state of New York. There are some days when I feel the pain of the kids that I speak to more than others. Today is one of those days. I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop hurting. It’s like I feel what they’re feeling, and I sense the hopeless of their questions, “Why not just die? Why not just end it all?”

In my assembly program I talked about bullying and showing respect. A boy that is in a special needs class came up to me afterwards and started sharing about how others call him retarded and make fun of him. He shared about a class that he said would probably be his favorite, but he hates going because he feels so bad about himself when people make fun of him and put him down.

Then a sharp-looking red-headed kid with freckles all over his face came up to me. I imagined that he should have had the bubbly joy of my daughter Joyel, but instead I saw pain in his eyes. The pain reminded me of a victim of war, which wasn’t far from reality for him. People ridiculed and laughed at him, calling him unspeakable names. While waiting at the bus stop, kids would throw rocks and make fun of him. He feels like he’s all alone. “What do I do,” he asked? “How do I deal with it when they call me these names?”

All I could wonder is, “Where are the followers of Jesus that will stand up for the least of these? Who is there to love, encourage, and tell him he’s been made in the image of God? Who is there to give him hope?”

Then a senior in high school came up to me. I was surprised to see a high school student among all these junior high kids. It turned out he was there because he was tutoring a photography class for 6th graders. His name was Josh. I’m not sure how to say this, but his attributes were a little more feminine. He began crying. “I didn’t expect to come to an assembly program today,” he said, “but it’s what I needed so bad.”

Tears streamed down his face as he began crying uncontrollably with snot coming from his nose. “I had a horrible weekend,” he continued. “Six of the jocks in school followed me to my car and called me names and kept saying I was gay, and they beat me up.” My heart sank as I watched his pain-filled face. “But the worst thing was when no one would even stop the junior high kid from spitting on me.”

No one. No one. No one deserves to be treated like this! May the people of faith be the ones that are leading the way to seek out opportunities to love, to understand, to invite, to care, to defend, and to stand for justice. Real righteousness is found when you care for the dignity of every person, even the person you disagree with.

The principal came up after witnessing those three kids talking with me. “I can’t believe the impact you just had on 400 kids, and you held their attention for 45 minutes,” he said. “They laughed and cried and absorbed every word you said. But to have them trust you so much to share these deep stories – that says a lot. This is a gift back to you, showing the difference you’re making. Thank you. This is exactly what our school needed.”

He continued to tell me there are three things the school is trying to teach students: respect for themselves, respect for others, and respect for property. “You hit every single one,” he said. “It’s like you designed this talk for our school, and we want to get you in every school possible.”

Honestly, it pains my heart that we have allowed some of the struggles that these kids are dealing with to become an issue to debate, instead of loving people. No matter what stance you feel you need to take on an issue, God has commanded us to love others. There are no disclaimers. God forbid that we allow some of the struggles that these kids are facing to become a political platform, a theological issue to be debated, or something that we want to protest and picket. Because in the mean time, kids are struggling with their value and worth as others who are fueled by self-righteousness treat them as sub-human. And we silently stand by.

God help us to stand up for the value of every person.

This is what we’re called to do – to bring hope to the kids who are ready to end it all, and to challenge people to treat each other with love and respect. We get to tell people they’re valuable no matter how people rip on them, beat on them, or put them down. Thank you for supporting this ministry, and those kids, through your prayers and support. Thank you for standing with us and being another voice that wants to not only proclaim the love of Jesus, but show it.

For the Kingdom,
Bob Lenz

A Father Gives Good Gifts

For my quiet time, I am going through The One Year Book of Hope by Nancy Guthrie.

This was a devotional I really wanted to go through as I work to move past the heartbreaks in my life.

I have spent years begging and pleading to God about my kids. I have cried out to him to bring Luke back to me. I have yelled at God for Luke not being with me instead of Jon, as I am obviously the better parent. I have cursed God for his unwillingness to answer my prayers. I have prayed, and prayed and prayed. Relentlessly!!!

Today in my quiet time I read this:

"I recognize that as much as I might want God to give me what I ask for, I trust that my heavenly Father know what is best. Sometimes his "good gifts" don't appear that way to my limited perspective. He gives me broccoli when I want ice cream. Sometimes he uses frustrating circumstances, unwarranted criticism, or disappointing delays to develop in me the good gifts of patience and humility. He calls me to trust him, to know that he is my wise and loving Father, and my ultimate good is his heart's greatest desire.

Would you be willing to stop pounding on heaven's door, to stop begging for God to give you what you believe is best,and to open your hands to receive the good gifts your heavenly Father wants to give to you?"

WHOA!!

Am I willing to STOP POUNDING, TO STOP BEGGING FOR GOD TO GIVE ME WHAT I WANT??? Is he giving me broccoli when I am asking for ice cream?

Yes!

Yes Lord. I will stop begging. I will stop pounding...and rest on the promises that YOU HAVE GOOD GIFTS to give to me. I am ready to receive them!

Church On Saturday Night! AMAZING!!

Acts – Chapter 17A from Hosanna! Church Lakeville MN on Vimeo.

Psalm 34:18

Today in my quiet time, I read Psalm 34:18. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit.
Yesterday I had a particularly difficult day, on the back of a difficult few weeks. My daughter has decided to live full time with her dad, again. My youngest son is making some decisions that are poor, and I feel his dad should be steering him more closely. When I sit back and reflect on how much my hands are tied, and how I have no control over the situation, I feel crazy. These children who I love so much, are in some ways lost to me right now. As a mom, it's the most frightening thing to just sit and watch. I also end up feeling so sad, lost and alone. I berate myself that I should have been more...tried harder. Some days I just want to move away. Move far away where I am not so close to the pain. Some place where distance makes the heart grow fonder.
Yesterday was a difficult day. I was feeling depressed and alone. Out of the blue I got an text message from my oldest son telling me that I am a good mom, and that he always felt loved by me, and that he loves me so much! OUT OF THE BLUE???? I think not. It was FOR SURE God's voice. I have no doubt that God was saying: Look Kari!! All is not lost. Don't forget about your oldest child!! All is not lost!!
Today the verse from Psalm telling me that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted. He was close to me last night, in the midst of my despair. I am so certain of this!!

Joy

So far this week has been a week of joy for me.
Work has been great. It was fun to get back to my students, and to connect with them again.
I've been to the gym the appropriate number of times, and really worked hard.
My car broke down, and I decided to purchase a new truck.
I've been able to stick to my guns with the "moving past the heartbreak plan" as well. The Lord is giving me strength to go through each day.
Our kids have been around, and we've had evening meals around the table filled with laughter and love.
The week has gone by quickly, and I am so excited that it's FRIDAY!!

On the other hand, my dear friend and workout partner, Fiona, is going through a very personal crisis. Her mother was taken to the hospital on Wednesday by ambulance, and things have been declining ever since. As a friend, I so want to be there for her. I want to help and be supportive. I know there is no joy for her right now.

I am struck by how life goes on. I remember when Seth was diagnosed with cancer, and I felt like my life was falling apart. Yet, all around me, people were going on with their life. People were experiencing joys and were laughing. Yet, there I was, just discovering that my baby had a potentially life-threatening disease.

SO, while my week has been filled with joy, I am also very much aware that those around me may be hurting and suffering. If you are one of those people, my heart goes out to you. My hope is that the joy will come back around to you.

Christmas 2010

A beautiful Christmas morning. Wonderful waking up in a house full of love. Kids who still love to discover their stockings.











A dog who can EASILY find her stocking.










Even with all this joy....it's still hard to forget that both of my boys were not with us for Christmas. Seth is far away in Georgia. Luke, well, Luke was in Apple Valley and just didn't want to come. It's hard to believe, but that was the choice he made. While my heart if full of joy and love, it is also heartbroken over distance and a broken relationship. My hope is that if you have broken relationships in your life, that you let your love shine through. Put the hurt behind you and FORGIVE as you have been forgiven.
Mitch Albom says it best:

"Holding anger is a poison...It eats you from inside...We think that by hating someone we hurt them...But hatred is a curved blade...and the harm we do to others...we also do to ourselves."
— Mitch Albom (The Five People You Meet in Heaven

My hope for you is a BLESSED CHRISTMAS filled with LOVE!

I know it shouldn't matter.....
but my youngest son, Luke, just unfriended me AGAIN on facebook.
Only this time...he completely blocked me.
You're darn right I call him on the stuff he writes.
You're absolutely right that I talk to him often about what he has posted.
And now....I am blocked.
I had so little access to my own child as it is....and now this.
I KNOW it shouldn't matter.....