Saturday Night

On the eve of Mother's Day I just want to state that I love my children more than anything!! They are the absolute light of my life. I wish they lived with me, and I wish that they thought more of me....but truly, I love them unconditionally! I always wanted to be a mom...I just didn't know it would be like this. BUT...I am a mom...and I will take it however it is. My children are amazing!!!
I love you Seth, Chloe and Luke! More than you could understand!!!!!

Jesse Takes The High Road

"My whole life has been full of hard decisions. "
"The decision to let my wife end our marriage, and continue the adoption of Louis on her own, has been the hardest. The love I have for Louis cannot be put to words. Not having him around to love and to hold has left a huge hole in my heart."
"Sandy is the love of my life, but considering the pain and devastation I have caused her, it would be selfish to not let her go. Right now it is time for me to beat this addiction that has taken two of the things I love the most in life."
I have always taken great pride in proving people wrong. That time has come once again to show that I am not what everyone says I am. I know in my heart that I can be the best father possible to my four children, and the mate Sandy deserves, and realize that this is an incredible mountain to climb. But I believe that the steps I have taken in the last 30 days are the foundation for making this happen. The lifelong commitment I am making is what being a real husband and father is all about. "
"I ask that you please do not judge Sandy for the things I have done. She has done no wrong. She played no part in any of this. She has been an amazing wife, mother, and best friend, for the over 6 years we have been together."

Quiet Time Today

Today, during my quiet time, I was thanking God for being my reason. While I was praying, it occurred to me that I really need to LIVE like HE is my reason.
I hate that so often my relationship with Jesus is just lip service.
I just read it today: Matthew 15:8 Jesus says:
These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.
Nobody WANTS to be like this....but when I take my eyes off of Jesus, even for a little bit, I lose sight of WHAT I AM DOING!! I FORGET WHAT I AM HERE FOR!
I FORGET THE ONLY REASON I WAS PLACED ON THIS EARTH: TO TELL OTHERS ABOUT HIM!! TO LOVE MY NEIGHBOR AS MYSELF!
After 43 years...you would think I could start to get it right! If not for His AMAZING GRACE.....

SO...
Today I want to live like I KNOW HE is my reason!!!
Somebody...hold me accountable to this!!

Manifesting What is Before Us

I am reading a charming book called The Art of Racing in the Rain. It is a sweet account of the dog's life as he looks back on how rich his life has been. I might be reading it, in part, because we have just put down our old, sweet Sam!
When something hits me, I love to write it down. The dog, Enzo, has just said something profound:
That which we manifest is before us; we are the creators of our own destiny. Be it through intention or ignorance, our successes and our failures have been brought on by none other than ourselves.
I alone, can manifest a change in that which is around me. While I cannot say that I am a master of my own destiny, I can say that I have experienced a glimpse of mastery, and I know what I have to work toward.

A Day to Say Goodbye To Sam!

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

SAM WE WILL MISS YOU!!

Loneliness

Loneliness can be so obscure
One minute I'm totally fine,
the next, the sadness slinks in.

The ache for my children has crept in
The pang of a mother's empty arms
Time absconded, never to be regained
Memories no more to be made

Will I never again feel my child's leg thrown over mine during a night of television watching?
Never again to kiss my child goodnight, or to kiss them awake

Mothering was an occupation that I took seriously
it was how I defined myself
Now who AM I?
Do I even care?

I want to be Mom...and not from afar.
I desire it more than anything.

The loneliness creeps in!

Friday

Couldn't be more happy that today is Friday.

Just wish it was a nice day like the last two have been!

It's a quiet reading Friday in my classroom!!

LOVE IT!!

I am currently reading Sea of Monsters...Percy Jackson and the Olympians book 2!

I JUST finished The Hunger Games. AMAZING BOOK!!!

NOW...bring on the WEEKEND!!!!